Dankwell W. Urn

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Never had a friend in his troubled life.  Sat in the attic with the curtain closed letting silent tears fall to the floor - never smiled, tittered, snickered, guffawed or chuckled. Pasted faded rose leaves in a moldy old album of his relatives' frayed and brittle photographs, most of whose hearts had been broken. Took no nourishment except for a handful of dried leaves at  twilight and a little rainwater. Expired on a sad sleepy Saturday afternoon in late December and was placed in a tomb in the Mossy Sleep Cemetery in Dismal Seepage, Ohio.

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(((HEAR)))

Hobe Ubberly

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FROM UNKNOWN EPISODE

From Belvidere.  Wore his socks outside of his shoes.  Married a woman 34 years old, paid the expenses of having all of her teeth extracted as a wedding present, moved to Wash River, Kentucky., went into the corduroy looking-glass business and later died. - compiled by Richard E. Hunton

Quentin L. Spondle

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Got tired of living in a tent so took lodging in a two story frame house.  Married a woman 28 years old. Had all his money changed into half dollars for the convenience of it.  Attempted to get a bill passed in the state legislature forbidding Minnesota people to cross Illinois bridges.  Learned to write his name in a bucket of ordinary well water so you could still read it 5 minutes later.  Changed his wife's name from Leota to Dorothy and later died.  Ran into trouble because his wife never wanted her name changed from Leota to Dorothy - he took the matter to court and she finally called the police.  - compiled by Richard E. Hunton

Harry Beekdop

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FROM UNKNOWN EPISODE

From Belvidere.  38 years old - changed the subject like a bolt of lightning: like from "pass the gravy" to "pass the salt and pepper." Moved to Belvidere from Indianapolis, Ohio, then to New York, Ky., then to Los Angeles, Mich., and then to Cleveland, Minn. - married a woman 37 years old, went into the granulated shoestring business, ran away with his brother's wife, automobile, furniture and clothing by mistake, shot a barber for giving him too close a haircut in the elbow and later died. - compiled by Richard E. Hunton 

O. J. Geever

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FROM UNKNOWN EPISODE

A stubborn man. Ran for sheriff, coroner and mayor and got beat; life-long ambition to run for governor and get beat. told his wife: "Believe that I'll climb up on the piano bench and jump off and commit suicide." He jumped off and died.  [Life somewhat parallels that of George McFulper, Eugene Partlow, F.G. Rogeeshersly and Emory J. Hong.] - compiled by Richard E. Hunton

Gus Cheebawater

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From DeKalb, Illinois; left there to move to Tulsa, Kansas.  In Tulsa, Kansas he married a woman seventeen years old, went into the Automatic Saxophone business, taught himself to ride horseback without any horse, successfully passed fourteen nickels in counterfeit money he'd made at home himself out of ordinary gingerbread, spent one whole winter sleeping on the handlebars of a bicycle to win a fifteen-cent bet - and later died.

Ernie Hawfer

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From Belvidere.  He claimed everything he ate tasted like molasses.  Peaches, bread, chewing-gum, ice-tea, hominy, spinach, olives, turnip-greens, they all tasted like molasses.  That would have been all right only Ernie didn't like molasses.  He went to see the doctor about it.  "Doctor, everything I put in my mouth tastes like molasses."  The Doctor asks, "What's your name, friend?"  "Ernie Hawfer," says Ernie.  "Mister Hawfer," says the Doctor, "Get out of my office and stay out."  Ernie left Belvidere late in the spring of eighteen-eighty-six. He moved to Corpus Christi, Arizona, went into the Wholesale Baling Wire business, and passed away in nineteen-aught-two."

Herkimer Scott

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His wife was near-sighted and mistook the violin for firewood and threw it in the stove.  Herkimer moved to Erie, Pennsylvania for six weeks. Herkimer's dead now – was either kicked by a horse or fell off a barn.  Oldest boy was a preacher.  He was pigeon-toed, like all of the Scott family (except Louise.)

Grace McSpulfer

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Sister of George McSpulfer, she could play the cornet backwards.  Uncle Fletcher says he never claimed it sounded good.  She died in 1906.

Ernie Sweeler

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From Belvidere.  Died at age 65.  Used to say, "If someone's got something nice, mention it."

Phil Wisher

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From Sterling, Illinois.  All of his clothes - from his socks to his tie - were all made out of the same material.  He later died.  His woman was vexed at him for 27 years...

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(((HEAR)))

Harry McPritchard

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Told Uncle Fletcher that throwing away keys was bad luck.  Could play a piano like a cyclone.  Sat down at a piano once day to play a tune and fell off the bench, choking himself to death by having his knee caught in his necktie.

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(((HEAR)))

Alton N.L. Halter

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From Dekalb. Passed away while he was a awake. Waved goodbye to relatives and then walked to the undertaker's office on his own two feet. He had practiced dentistry for 58 years but never had a patient. Had a wife named Grace.

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{{{HEAR}}}

Uncle Ralph

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Uncle of Nicer Scott's that was so insane about a woman in Ohio that he said he'd disown his own granfather for her - and he did in a ceremony held in Hoffman City, Oklahoma. His grandfather died of grief 20 minutes later.

R. J. Konk

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Founder of the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way.  In 1899 his eyes changed color overnight while staying at the Royal Gum Hotel; they went from watery, drab, slate color to a brilliant, blazing stunning electric blue.  He died in 1920.  Sade called him, "T.L. Punk."

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(((HEAR)))

Pete Wisher

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From Sterling, Illinois. All of his clothes from the socks to his tie were all made out of the same material. He later died. His woman was vexed at him for 27 years.

Ollie Sorgut

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Man in Dixon who died shortly after tipping his hat to his Aunt Lucille. Cried easily.  Had a brother, Ralph.

Ollie Mudfiggle

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Stepped up to the movie theater in Dixon and when he showed the counter girl his big set of keys, she let Uncle Fletcher into the movie for free. Ollie died though one day when he was packing for a trip.  His suitcase was full and he asked his wife to sit on it.  She did - without realizing she had shut his head in the suitcase, killing him.

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(((HEAR)))

Oaf Beverly

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Man who married a woman 34 years old, paid the expenses of having all of her teeth extracted, moved to Wash River, Kentucky. Then went into the corduroy looking glass business and later died.

Howie Meebler

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From Belvidere. He married a woman 42 years old. He moved to Los Angeles, Colorada then to Indianapolis, Ohio and the the Kansas City, Oklahoma. He later died.